“BOO!” 

I jumped. I couldn’t help myself. The mysterious voice bellowing from behind me just wasn’t possible.

I mean, all I was doing was looking out the window in my new bedroom, and nobody had been in the room ten seconds ago when I’d walked over to the window. There was no reason to expect anybody to talk to me, let alone holler at me.

I instantly froze in place. 

“Son of a gun!” the voice continued, “You can actually hear me. Nobody has ever jumped before, not in almost a hundred years.” 

I didn’t like the sound of that. A hundred years was a mighty long time, and this guy didn’t sound that old.

I was starting to suspect what was happening here, and it wasn’t making me happy. I decided to remain frozen to see if the voice would go away.

No such luck. The unknown person was in the mood to keep talking. 

“Son, I am sorry to have frightened you. That was not my intent, but I have been here a great many years, and I gave up being polite a long time ago. I must say I am awfully glad to meet you, though.”

Then he got a bit excited.

“Gol-dern it, I’m almighty glad to meet anybody from the world of the living who has your power!” 

            Uh-oh! Those words confirmed my worst fears. I was dealing with a spirit, a ghost, a non-living creature, and it caused goose pimples to spread all over my body (Even the bottoms of my feet. How weird is that?)

            Oh sure, this spirit sounded friendly enough, but that was of no real comfort. I’ve seen a few ghost movies in my time, and the one thing I’ve learned is the friendly specter only stays nice while it’s amusing itself.

            Once it gets tired of playing games, it suddenly rips you to shreds, and the mess it makes is just horrible.  

That thought brought an unhappy vision to my mind. Mom is something of a neat freak, and I knew she’d have a fit as soon as she came home and saw the shambles the ghost had made of my room.

I could just see her going around the house yelling for me to, “Clean up your room this instant, young man!” and I wondered how long it would take her to realize I hadn’t made the mess in my room; I was the mess in my room. 

Naturally, being splattered all over the room by an evil ghoul was not on my list of things to do today, so I tried to think of ways to avoid that dreadful possibility.

After school Monday I went down to the city courthouse and headed straight to the licensing department. However, things there didn’t go as easily as I had hoped. The dame behind the counter gave me a bunch of lip. Said I was too young to be any kind of a detective, and then she told me I’d better stop calling her “doll” or she'd issue me a dog license. 

I asked her how she felt about “cupcake” and she threatened to rip my tongue out!

Geez Louise, what a hard case. As I was leaving, I turned back to tell her she was a real tough cookie, but she picked up a pair of scissors and my cowardly tongue dried up on me. 

I didn't let her smart lip get to me, though. I went to a local print shop and had some business cards made up. They said: 

Joe Cruncher, Private Eye. 

"I'll solve the case before I die!" 

License or no license, I was officially in business.  

I needed to show this dog who was boss, and this was too good an opportunity to let pass. He had tried to eat me, and he was preventing me from solving the case, so he had to be dealt with. It was that simple.

Oh, sure, he just won the first round, but he didn't know I was packing heat. Round Two was absolutely going to be mine.

I took out my trusty slingshot and a walnut, then I loaded up. 

Please don’t misunderstand. What I was about to do was a special case. I would never do this to an ordinary dog, but let's face it, this particular dog-like beast was hardly ordinary. If he was anything at all, it was pure evil. I felt no guilt whatsoever about dishing out some justice to this menace. 

I slowly drew the band of my sling shot back to my elbow, sighted in on his backside, and then I started to lose focus.

An amusing vision of how he would react, dancing around like a terrified chicken, flowed through my mind, and a giggle slipped out. I knew more were soon to follow.

I didn’t want a fit of laughter to mess up my aim, so I quickly let the walnut fly.  

Bull’s-eye! That walnut hit him so hard it shattered into smithereens. 

"Take that, Rover," I softly chuckled. 

I laughed too soon. For all the effect the walnut had, I might as well have shot him with a spit wad. Fido didn't even budge. He just kept chewing this big, old rawhide bone.

Clearly, my earlier assessment was correct. This was no ordinary dog. 

There was another hallway at the top leading to three bedrooms: a big one and two smaller ones. I decided the big bedroom was the place to start. I spent several minutes there pounding the floor and all the walls. Then I crawled on my hands and knees in its closet. I was looking for secret panels and/or loose floorboards. 

I was right in the middle of wondering if this house also had a ghost, and, if so, was it as friendly as Robert, when something, or someone, fell right on top of me!

I merely gave a slight grunt and jumped out from under it. My reflexes are in tiptop shape, so the object barely even touched me before I was safely on my feet. 

I stood there in the hallway a few moments catching my breath and asking myself what the object had been, a dead body or a live creature, when a sudden thought struck me.

"Hey, what am I doing in the hallway?"

I’d been in the bedroom closet a couple seconds ago. Heck, I couldn't even remember leaving the bedroom. 

All I wanted was a box of those chocolate doughnuts, wrapped up in a red bow.

To me, such an offering was much more than just a token to show I was serious. I actually considered this gift a powerful weapon I could wield to weaken her will.

Believe it or not, thinking about the box of doughnuts in that way gave me strength.

Their very presence made me feel as if I was now protected by a magnificent chocolate shield. I swear, I almost detected an invisible force field emanating from these delicacies.

In my mind they had stopped being mere pastries. I now considered them “Doughnuts of most dreadful power”.

As I headed to her house, I saw myself as a valiant knight venturing forth upon a great crusade of the heart. I was bold, I was fearless, and I was armed with a mighty talisman capable of ensuring I would successfully fulfill my gallant quest.

With those thoughts giving me courage, I marched heroically all the way to the door of Andrea’s house.

Unfortunately, that was when the mighty talisman suddenly lost its magic, and my calm demeanor evaporated. I was so overcome with anxiety, I couldn’t even push the doorbell.

Oh, no! What happened to my bold? Where was my fearless?

They had completely vanished!

Those worthless doughnuts of formerly dreadful power had inexplicably let me down, and I found myself feeling entirely defenseless. The only power I possessed now was power puke!